Bon Appetit - or - So this is why she gets so mad when we don't eat... - by John

My sisters Heidi and her family and Heather came to Utah this week.  We had the profound honor of a brief visit on Monday night to which I will be eternally grateful.  But, alas, that short time I was able to spend with them seemed so....incomplete.  So when I was told that I was going to have the opportunity to host a Saturday breakfast for them I knew I had to go all out.  And anyone who knows me knows that when I go all out on anything I expect it to go perfect.  So my little project started at 5 in the morning.  I got dressed, made up a grocery list, and ran to Wal-Mart to do a little shopping.  Knowing that we are all trying to shape up a little for the summer I decided to do the entire breakfast Weight-Watchers friendly.  3 point omelets, 1 point muffins (the best!), lo-cal orange juice, and pancakes for the kids was the menu for this special morning.  I began preparations at 6:00 with the understanding that the guests would be arriving between 8:30 and 9:00.  I chopped the peppers, green onions, and mushrooms, cooked and crushed the bacon, mixed and seasoned the eggs, prepared the dry and wet ingredients for the (world's best) pancakes and, by 8:15, got the muffins in the oven.  At 8:40 my masterpiece was finished.  Here is a photo of my culinary opus-

The panic didn't begin to set in until 8:45. Breakfast, thus far, had gone off without a hitch.  Of course, a feast of this magnitude is even better when there is someone around to eat it. In an effort to keep cold sweat from ruining the syrup, I decided to ask Miriam if she had maybe heard differently from me with regards to the arrival time of my family. That is when the bomb dropped. Don't get me wrong, I love Heidi, but when Mirm said she thought that only Heidi would be coming at around 9:30 my reaction was, well, understandable (see photo of cat with machine gun in post below). I was devastated! If you have ever lost someone close to you, you'll understand what I went through - Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and, at last, acceptance.  These stages of grief all took place in the space of about 10 minutes.  Maybe I should clarify - The acceptance stage didn't actually happen until Heidi showed up with her kids and breakfast was served and enjoyed by all. We had a fun, albeit brief, time together.  Praises were showered upon the chef, leftovers were bagged up for another day, dishes were cleaned, and then it was over. Somehow I thought the moment would last...forever. All that is left with me - besides, perhaps, some lingering remnants in my lower intestines - is a deeper appreciation for what our dear wives go through every day of their lives. So I want to apologize to my wife for the (few) times I have complained that a meal was late/early/cold/hot/too much/not enough/yucky. I just didn't get it until now. I'm glad I have the rest of my life to get it right.
p.s. If you would like to try the 1 point muffins, the recipe is below.